Monday, October 24, 2005

Mr David McLetchie is No Marlon Brando, and We Must Be Spared the Sight of Him Wearing a Saggy Vest

Only Mr David McLetchie, the troubled leader of the Conservatives in the Scottish Parliament, knows why he has spent so much time in taxis, and whether it was taxpayers' money well-spent. But, still, the affair is deeply troubling.
Taxis, as I have noted before, are the devil's transport, and not to be encouraged. It was, I think, fitting, that the career of the great Mr Marlon Brando was defined by a scene in the back of a cab: in On the Waterfront, where the Method actor mumbled famously that he could have been a contender.
History, I feel, need to be in a generous mood if it is to bestow such a verdict upon Mr McLetchie. With his peculiar verbal hesitations, he is nobody's idea of a plucky pugilist, and I suspect he looks even worse in a vest. There is every chance that his contribution to public life will be viewed as being less significant than that of, say, the former First Minister, Mr Henry McLeish, who fell perspiring on his toy sword after embarrassing the nation in front of Mr David Dimbleby on an edition of Question Time.
Usually, after these scandals, there is frenzied talk of enquiries and codes of conduct, an outcome which satisfies no one. To borrow an Americanism, I think the time should fit the crime. Mr McLetchie should be ordered to eschew taxis entirely. If he must attend meetings outside parliament, he should be transported in a pedal-powered rickshaw at which the public could be encouraged to throw sponges, old kippers, and rolled up copies of the Weekly News.

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