Mr Blair Offers A Waspish Sweetie To The First Meenister, And A Sweet Treat To Everyone Else As He Challenges The Status Quo

I have just watched a speech by the Prime Minister, Mr Tony Blair, broadcast from the Labour Party’s Scottish Conference, or possibly the Scottish Labour Party Conference, or the Party Conference of Scottish Labour. It was, as is customary for Mr Blair, a technocratic affair, spiced with theatrical pauses, and too frequent use of the word “agenda”. The most entertaining parts were his frequent references to the First Meenister, Mr McConnell, who greeted each compliment with an expression of such unbounded joy that it was tempting to speculate that he had reached for a pandrop and swallowed a wasp.
My hearing is not what it was, but I noticed three important statements in Mr Blair’s speech. One was a question: “How can the status quo ever be the answer to a changing world?” Well, unless he was referring to the denin-wearing musical group – in which case I tend to agree – the PM seems to be suggesting here that merely because the world is changing, everything else has to change too. This is patently nonsensical, as Mr Blair would realise if he applied the same logic to the question of the leadership of the Labour Party.
Secondly, I was intrigued by the BBC onscreen summary of the speech, which claimed that Mr Blair had observed: “We have always done our best when we have lead and not followed.” My guess is that the subtitler was a fan of the Status Quo, and was making a subtle reference to “heavy metal” music.
Finally, I was intrigued by the passage in Mr Blair’s speech which referred to “pudding power in the hands of the many”. This, I think, was the mark of a truly progressive politician. I hereby pledge my vote to the first party with the foresight to add free custard to this novel proposal.