Friday, April 07, 2006

Bird Flu: Permission To Panic, Sir


When it comes to health panics, I have always been of the opinion that no reassurance should ever be offered to the public. This morning on Radio Four I heard a scientist explain that there really was no risk to the public from "bird flu". In the same breath, he cheerily advised against eating runny boiled eggs, and suggested that chicken be cooked with the assistance of something called a meat thermometer. I had not heard of this implement before, and the news of its existence was enough to make me nervous.
Then the scientist issued the most ominous sentence I have heard for some time. "I think," he said, "that common sense says that today we don't make fresh mayonnaise." It would have been less alarming if Lance Corporal Jones had shouted "Don't panic!"
Sadly, I didn't catch the scaremongering scientist's name. It was 5.55am, and I was frying a swan.

3 comments:

Mr K fae Morningside said...

I went down to the Blackford Pond yesterday armed with lemsip and a couple of jerseys for the swans there but sadly I could not tempt them to come over and speak to me.

I've been a vegetarian for many years now but I must confess all those pictures of tasty, well cooked chicken dishes on Ch4 news, and the possibility of a fall in demand for chicken, and therefore a drop in prices as the market floods, is making me think about returning to my old ways.

Jackson said...

I likewise am doing My Bit. I have dosed my bird feeders with a careful amount of tranquiliser and have spend all of my savings on one of those extra-large Smeg fridges that are all the rage. A pillow (not goose down) has been placed below the feeders and the moment a tiny tit or cheeky sparrow falls, I whisk it off to the freezer compartment. I am thus stocking a tiny non-floating ark, and once the plague has passed, will release the defrosted birds to repopulate the world.

Jackson said...

I likewise am doing My Bit. I have dosed my bird feeders with a careful amount of tranquiliser and have spend all of my savings on one of those extra-large Smeg fridges that are all the rage. A pillow (not goose down) has been placed below the feeders and the moment a tiny tit or cheeky sparrow falls, I whisk it off to the freezer compartment. I am thus stocking a tiny non-floating ark, and once the plague has passed, will release the defrosted birds to repopulate the world.