This Is Not The First Time King Kong Has Returned. Last Time, He Almost Signed For Celtic FC

Even in the boondocks of Greater Peebles, it has proved impossible to ignore the dismal fact that the great imaginative masterpiece of cinema, King Kong, has been remade by Mr Peter Jackson (who is to film directing what Mr Jonathan Ross is to cogent speech). I will leave it to the accountants and publicists to determine whether this latest unnecessary remake is a success, but the mention of Kong had me reaching into the sideboard, where I uncovered a record by the bard of Dundee, Mr Michael Marra.
Mr Marra, who is sometimes known as the "Scottish Randy Newman" - a claim I am in no position to verify - used to play a fine song called King Kong's Visit To Glasgow, in which the great ape made a trip to Celtic Park, chaperoned by an angel with a shamrock on her thigh. The age of the song can be judged by the fact that the angel tells the ape: "If this team is to flourish, don't kill McStay."
Poor Kong wanders around Paradise, banging into the floodlights, and the crowd begins to sing: "Why don't you take him to Ibrox? There we think he might blend in."
As a card-carrying Calvinist, I am uneasy about the theological implications of the song, but it has an air of verity to it.